“Be kind to yourself…” She said

Sometime ago, a friend of mine had his whatsapp status reading “build yourself with your words.” This statement sparked alot of thoughts. Thoughts about being compassionate and kind to ourselves. What we say to ourselves in our minds, matters a whole lot.

As a teenager and still in my early twenties, I’ve had this habit of saying awful things to myself whenever I make a mistake or fail to meet my impossible standards: could be after failing an exam, losing a lover, failing to get over things quickly, uttering a wrong word or hitting the wrong note. I’d feel lousy about myself for being too sensitive, being super shy, too loud, too this or too that. The list is endless. “This behaviour goes back to our growing up.” She said. “All childhood happenings affect ones adulthood in a way or another.” Well, since no one could see inside my brain, no one ever challenged it.

I always knew the way I thought about myself never made me feel any better, quite the contrary. It became a root of so many inner ailments, like; my aversion to phonecalls – even picking my mother’s calls was like a death penalty, social insecurity, hate for accountability and the list goes on. I’m more than certain someone somewhere has experienced the same, I’m speaking to you queen, You can bit it. I’m working very hard to improve in that area. I’ve been to a couple of therapy sessions with a psychologist whose made me realise that there’s something unhealthy about my thoughts towards myself. She’s been the first to really challenge me about how I talk to myself, maybe it’s because I’ve never told anyone I do this. She asked me to try and see myself as a friend and not as an enemy, treat myself as I would treat a friend and speak life to myself as often as an awful thought begins to penetrate my brain.

She once told me that people often tell you to be kind to people, love other people, be patient with people; appreciate other people etc etc, but no one remembers to tell you to be kind to yourself, love yourself, be patient with yourself, forgive yourself, appreciate yourself and be gentle with yourself.

To queens out there who are like me, am not fully recovered, am still struggling, but I can dare say I am better of.
Treat yourself right.

“Love your neighbour as you love YOURSELF.” (the word is ‘self’)
The greatest love of all is LEARNING to love yourself.
I’m still in class.


2 thoughts on “SELF KINDNESS

  1. wow, great piece there. Just made me so emotional. The Psychologist is right, it starts with one self, actually that all that matters. what you believe about yourself determines how far you go in life. Positive attitude towards yourself will only leave the sky as your lower limit. As even the scriptures remind us, that as a man thinketh so he is, if you think yourself as a victor, a conqueror, a friend…then you become, and the vice versa is also true. someone said, the only obstacle to you becoming what you desire to be is yourself. If we learn to beat ourselves and keep our body, soul and mind in check, there is no mountain that we cannot move in life.

    I love this advert by Tusker where the say, “there is a drop of greatness in every man” . its very important that we all find our “drop”, because that’s where we find our fulfillment. let us learn not to be too hard on ourselves, we have to know that we will make mistakes in life and that is the only way to learn. After all this is life and its not like we are going to make out of it alive (on a lighter note)

    May you find your true self worth you truly deserve.


  2. Great comment James…
    Jenny, thanks so much for this peace. It made me discover what has been missing in my life all along–Self love. I could often swim across oceans for others but I found that I could rarely jump a puddle for my own self. I’ll put your therapist’s advice to action and see how my life transforms.


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