Ghosting

Good morning! Good afternoon! Good evening… Depending on when you get to read this. Now, today we don’t get to do the usual #MondayBluez. I had this ghosting conversation with a friend over the weekend. We spoke on it in so much depth that I felt the need to share it here in the hope that we all share the same sentiments of doing better than ghosting. It’s a journey I never dimmed fit until I fell victim, and as such, I am a work in progress.

Ghosting is, with pleasure, the easiest way out of a relationship or a friendship. You just up and leave. You intentionally ignore their calls and messages, avoid spaces where you’re most likely to run into them and block them and their friends on social media. It’s that simple. Then you move on like the champion you are. Like nothing happened. Unbothered. You don’t have to explain shit to them. Honorable! You don’t owe no one a chicken-feed after all.

At that point, heaven is your throne and the earth is a footstool of your feet. You’re in command. You do not have to explain to them how off they turn you when they chew and talk simultaneously. Or that you despise how they bite their nails then touch your food. You don’t have to explain that you don’t like how they pick their nose or teeth without covering with a napkin. You don’t have to explain to them that they are too loud or have this weird bass in their voice. You don’t have to explain that they are too dark or too caramel. Too tall or too short. Too plum or too lean. You don’t have to explain that you don’t like their afro or their locks because it looks untidy. Or their bald because that’s too much skin they’ve got there. You don’t have to explain to them that you feel they are too clingy or too gangster for you. In such cases, I plead guilty, Your Honor! Charge me! I have ghosted people. It’s inevitable sometimes though. As human beings, we all are wired to desire the easy way out. But! Let me tell you brethren, when the situation is reversed and you are on the other side of the table, the one being ignored and blocked, you cough and choke on that bitterness as it strangles your spirit for days.

Like I mentioned, I too have been ghosted. Yes, I said that. It sucks, shoot! Losing something without any explanation can cause you a lot of unwanted feelings. You’re left feeling angry and confused; wondering what you did wrong and how you can change the situation. During that transition, you begin to question your memories of them and the things they told you. Ultimately, that can knock your esteem so low that you could break your back trying to pick it back up. It’s not fun at all. I know to do better now

We can all do better. I am not saying I have mastered it. I’m saying that doing better is on my to-do list. I am trying. Of course I catch myself ghosting on people once in a while but I have also caught myself expressing my reasons for walking out on some folks. I have found so much justice in clarity than in darkness, because sometimes, those differences that cause us to lose interest in people, are resolvable. Y’all only require a candid and amicable conversation. Let’s be better humans. Unless on those cases that not much can be discussed; those that persistently threaten your peace. Those! Can be considered ghostable.

Ghosting has become normal. So normal that some people will unsolicited ask you to deal with it; it’s part of life! That you should grow a thick skin. While that is tactful, it shouldn’t be an excuse to not practice humanity. I will conclude with this quote I came across recently that read; “it is toxic to think we do not owe anyone anything. We owe people decency, courtesy and respect.” That is the true humanity. We should therefore extend grace as much as we expect grace.

Let’s do better.
Cheers Com’s!

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