Divided Attention

When we fight, we go at it tooth and nail. We will be standing toe to toe at each other’s throats exchanging ugly words nearly scratching each other’s eyes out and splitting hairs. We will make an issue of something and we will cross swords fighting like cats and dogs. It’s unhealthy but also therapeutic. Absurd right?

Right!

But then again when we love, which is very often, we love hard. We love with a love that’s more than love. We stick out for one another like a pair of sentinels. There’s some sort of comfort in having her in my life and the time we spend together put’s me on top of the World. Over time, we have learnt to navigate through challenges without allowing our ugly moments become the deal breaker. Our passion continues to burn through it all without fading. That woman in my house, the man I am when I’m with her, is the reason I will always go home.

Josh is one of my ghost cheering squad. He’s those readers who will never leave a comment on my blog but will always message me on WhatsApp, “Wanjiku I read your post today. That was profound.” His exact words. I will respond with that emoji rolling eyes asking him how hard it was to type that under the comment section. He sends back that emoji with the lip curved upwards adding he didn’t have the time for all that etiquette. Oh! Leave your email. Oh! Your website… Oh! Subscribe for follow up… no ma’am! That’s too much work for a busy arse lad like myself. But for what matters, I read your work. He adds.

“Ok boss!” I respond. “For what matters, thank you for your finding time in your busy arse schedule and for your kind words.” Then he hahas. And says, “Welcome ma’am.”

So this evening. He says he has a story. I know him well enough to believe him. I know of the dramas around him. I have seen most of it if not all.

So ma’am, where would you have us meet?

Nowadays, I love it when one asks where I would want to meet. It makes me feel respected. Before, I subconsciously downplayed my opinion until this one time, James, another ghost member of my cheering squad, extended an invite to one of those Pierra Makena gigs. While there, his friends insisted the event was lacking lustre. They opted we hop to another joint. I on the other hand, didn’t have a problem being there. Also, I have an issue with changing plans in the middle of the initial plan. I lose morale. But I have for a while been those folk who will compromise instead of venting because I didn’t want to ruffle anyone’s feathers. So yeah, we hopped to another half hearted. James noticed the shift in my spirits. This one is those folks who will get up to your nose until you unfold. I mentioned I was displeased with the changes. “Lakini, why you didn’t display your disapproval while we were there? To be honest we wouldn’t have moved if you said you wanted to stay. Why you don’t think your opinion matters?” Dude! The question and the tone smacked my face hard. I saw sincerity in his eyes. He hard this glimmering sensation in his eyes that bore a sense of authenticity. My heart sank. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder, he’s very mascular with broad shoulders. I disappeared under his armpit. He had on that Axe fragrance so I laid still. “Next time you don’t like something, just tell me. I’m here to impress you not these goddamn boys.” He said under his breath. That was Eureka moment; like a bear waking from hibernation. I discovered something about me that I didn’t really know. So today, I catch myself giving an unbothered ‘No’ whenever needed to. I owe that guy James a bottle of Jameson. He may not know this but he hit my life so hard he left a stain. A clean worthy stain at that.

Did I digress? Shoot! my apologies. Let’s pick from where we left. Where were we? Oh my meeting with Josh, eh! Yeah!

So I picked to meet at The Legend Karen. Oh I love that joint. Especially on Sunday Afternoons. Ah! It’s euphoric. A number of years ago I was working there as a steward with a childhood friend of mine whose name I won’t mention for security reasons. Oh goodness! We would clean those cutlery from 8am till late for KSh.400 a day. We went home with mushy fingers and aching backs. 400 bob was luxury then. Furthermore we had no bills except airtime to buy unlimited texts. We didn’t work for long though. Those late hours became very risky for young girls to be out of home so we quit. But then I grew an attachment for that place. So anytime I want to eat out of home but close to home, The Legend comes first in mind.

So I met Josh that Sunday afternoon. There’s always a band playing softly soothing your appetite. He got there before time so I met him halfway his order. He’s those men who wipe bones clean including the marrow. Eeewee! I walked in at the time he was pulling off the bone marrow by dipping in a finger from one end and pulling the stuff off through the tongue from the other end. That site triggered that feeling I get every time I spot onions in my food. A wave of nausea! Same way I felt the first time I ate Oyesters.

What? He asked.

I’m just easily disgusted lemmi excuse you a while to get done with your stuff.

No Com’on! It’s okay. I can end it at that. Thank God I was here earlier otherwise I would have wasted so much marrow and that would have pained me. He said dropping his bone to his side plate.

Oh thank you.

Almost immediately the waitress came to my side of the table. She was pretty. Very pretty. She had a badge on her shirt scribbled Grace and she had her hair gelled on a ponytail like mine. I smiled at her complimenting her natural hair. She smiled back uttering a thank you. She then bent to me to take my order. I ordered plain fries and a glass of mixed fruit juice. He threw an astonished glare at me then asked, you ordered juice?

“Haha yeah! I’m off the sauce this year.”

Ah! okay. Acha sisi walevi tuendelee kulipa ushuru pale eabl since we can’t all keep off the sauce. There’s a group of young lads who depend on our committed drinking to pay their bills. So please get me a beer. No! Two. He said smiling at Grace. She giggled. I laughed.

“In that case, please keep drinking. You are empowering a generation Sir!” I responded.

Haha! Empowering. That’s the word I was looking for.

So now Wanjiku, I know you know bits about my story but what you may not know, is what I think was the root source. You know, I met my wife in 2011. We didn’t kick it off immediately. There was a lot of hot heels involved and a lot of wooing her with Shakespeare quotes. Man! I was a poet for a while. Then eventually she gave in and we started a relationship. For me, I liked her at first sight. Her poise got me believing she is a woman I’d want to spend a lifetime with. I was sure about her from the start . This girl didn’t have to do much to make me grin. Whether she was smiling or not, I was constantly beaming with contentment in her presence. We dated for about two years then she flew to the Emirates for a job. She was on a two year contract. Those two years felt like eternity to me. I really loved this lady though. So we kept the relationship despite the distance. But now, you know the major work of the enemy is to confuse faithful servants. Haha! Well, I’m human. A human being with blood flowing through my veins and hormones continually charging. I’m a man! So of course I had days when I needed some feminine touch. And you know these species are quite plenty. In my moments of need, I met this girl Maria. She’s beautiful and all. She has perfect curves. You know those that please my eyes. She also has this pleasant sense of humor. It’s not often you find a woman who can continuously crack you up. That glued me to her. I was genuinely happy every time I was with her. We grew an attachment in a way I gave her my complete attention ignoring everyone else including my woman. I ended up moving into her house. So one time my woman asked whether I was cheating. She asked way too many times. As a man, you don’t respond to such inquiries because whatever answer you give is incriminating and whatever you say shall be used against you in the court of law. We both laugh. I had to device ways of avoiding that route every time it felt like she was about to take it. I would tell her I’m working on a project that was overwhelming. She would believe because of course she knew I was pursuing my degree at the time. Other times I would tell her in advance that I would be working night shift at my uncle’s bar. Just to justify the consistent offline mode. She bought it. Not for long though. Because well, walls talk. And one day they talked to her. Someone from my circle snitched on me. She was furious. Of course I denied it when she confronted me. That’s the rule. Deny deny deny! That was when shit hit the fan.

We quarrelled a lot and she eventually dumped me over a text that read, ” you’re such a whore. Go be with your biaches and leave me be. This nonsense is over Josh.” Then she blocked me before I could reply. Well, I had company. Good company so to say. Because of that, the break up didn’t really hit hard. I had a place to channel my emotions. Maria loved me. If I can call it that. She gave me all the right feels. There was really no void in my heart. We went on for months without a word from my woman. You know the thing about people who have dated for long, if the doors are not locked tight, these people always return unannounced. One misses the other or both and conversations begin. She returned home later that year. Of course where there was once fire it takes only one spark to reignite. We moved in together. I had to block Maria so I could settle with my woman. It was perfect until one day I bumped into her in the streets. That shattered a dam I had built in my mind, freeing a river of memory that I was incapable to resist. Maria is a woman I can’t repel. She has this influence on me that I can’t begin to explain. She just knows whatever makes me tick and I’m vulnerable around her. So again, we picked it up. It wasn’t going to take long before my wife found out because I slept out quite often. I had an affection for both women and I didn’t want to hurt nor lose either. I was always guilty every time I spent at Maria’s but then I couldn’t avoid. We started fighting with my wife again. So often she insisted that I had to choose one between her and Maria. Of course I would tell her she’s the one. And she was. But I couldn’t keep off the other. Her honey pot was equally captivating. I don’t know if you understand me Wanjiku. I wanted them both. I know I was selfish but then what! By the way it got to a point where my wife left and moved back with her parents. After a week or two I’d get her because my house was lonely without her. Her absence was so loud I couldn’t handle. Problem is, it became a cycle. So every time we fought, she left and I’d get her. Eventually I got tired of the series of play so the last time she wanted out, I made it clear that if she did, she would have to consider the marriage dead and six feet under because I wasn’t going down that road again. But she still left anyway. She thought I was bluffing. She stayed away for over two month. I kept off her till eventually she returned all by herself. This time both my women were pregnant.

Wait what?

Haha! Yeah! I am my father’s son you know.

Haha! Whatever that means?

Haha! My father has quite a number of us. So yeah! I am reliving his life. Anyways, there was a difference of about two months.

Who was first?

My wife was. Maria got pregnant during the period my wife was acting up.

How was that for you?

Pregnancy freaks out every man’s demons. I had two of them. They delt with my demons efficiently and in good order. I was traumatized for weeks. I blocked Maria again and decided to focus on my wife. She’s is dramatic that one. She’s hard to get rid of. And not especially in that condition. One time she showed up at my house to make sure I didn’t forget she was expecting my child as well. Man! It was chaos. Stuff was flying in the air past my face. The two women were ripping each other apart. I understood Maria though. Her point got home. I needed to man up and lie on my bed. I left them to fight each other till they had had enough. I don’t know exactly what went down but they fought a good one. Each of them had bruises. After the dust had settled, I advised them to figure out how they were going to get along for all our sakes. My wife understood or I guess she did or she’s probably be planning her revenge…haha! You women are venomous.

It became peaceful but of course not entirely. We had moments of break down. Early the following year both my babies were born. At an interval of about 9weeks. Both boys. I was present during delivery. For both. Ah those boys! They are my life. They are the reason I am the man I am today. I am more cautious and more responsible because I want to be their role model.

So what became of your two women?

Well sadly and fortunately, Maria got married. That hurt me honestly. Again I know it’s selfish of me but I really loved that woman. That man is fortunate to have her. She deserves love. She desired her own man who would go home to her every day and I don’t think I did a good job at it. So I’m happy for her. But honestly, I miss her. She had become a very important part of me that when she left, I felt it. On the other hand it relieved me of the pressure I had dividing attention and affection. It’s overwhelming by the way. I salute any man that has more than one woman in their life. That’s a hero of their own kind. It’s quite a task I tell you.

So now what of your son?

Of course I maintain my relationship with him. The mum is cooperative and we make it as amicable as possible. Also we accord her new man as much respect. It’s not easy, but we do it for our son.

It’s life right?

Right.

Cheers!

Cheers ma’am!

That’s it com’s till next week. Cheers!

Advertisement