Do you remember that Monday evening I told you I was meeting Masha? Yes? Okay we met. I know y’all waited for the bluez last Monday but I was cruising somewhere I couldn’t be here. But here we are today. So, currently Masha lives within my hood. We had to meet at a local. Not any other but the one we talked about here which we said looks like a retired short haired old woman with her walking stick in her mud-hut looking away during the day, while sitting on her old footstool. I think I have attachment issues. With all the new local joints sprouting around my home, I still prefer this one. May be because of the past memories.
So of course we picked a gazebo in the furthest corner of the restaurant because I suspected tears we going to interfere. But she’s a strong marshal.
So, Masha, get started, I’m all ears.
Well, Uhm! I had just gotten my first laptop and needed windows installed. A friend of mine referred me to Steve who was a trusted gadget expert. The first time I saw Steve, I got hyptonized by the charming swell under his nose. I had recently lost my job in Nairobi and gone back to shagz to rediscover myself. I had also come from a relationship that had left me in many unfavourable pieces that I took a vow; “to never getting involved!” But here I was now, secretly getting my mouth watered by the curve of his lips and eyes. He has a medium brown complexion and stands on an average height; not short, not tall. Just somewhere in between. He is those men who even God knows he took a little more time on them, so he gives them so many chances to flaunt their beautiful smile. My jaw nearly fell to the floor in his presence.
One evening, my friend Joel and I had taken a walk to unwind. Our home lies well and happy on the rich hems of the Aberdare Ranges. It’s ever lush and green and the breeze is mesmerizing. So yeah! These walks strip you off all anxiety. On our way back, he requested we make a stop at his pal’s shop. We did. Oh shoot! Steve! Same Steve. The tension between us was mutual so I immediately knew he was as affected by my being there as I was by his. My heart did that dance. You know that dance yeah?
“Yeah sure.” We both laughed. I knew she frequents my blog by just the mention of that dance. I gave her a big twinkle.
Just as we were about to leave, Steve asked Joel aside and asked him for my number. Joel told me about it on our way home. First, I thought of Steve as a namby arse who could not take his chance at me to get the number from me personally. But that too, shoddy as it may, was his way of putting a bug in my ear and again, I was already head over heels. I questioned Joel a lot about Steve and eventually asked for his number before we parted ways.
That night, it was difficult to sleep. I was tossing in bed and flipping through my phone waiting on his message. He didn’t text. The dare devil in me does not shrink. We take the ball to the court and shoot right into basket as it should be. I called my inner mates to a small committee where we agreed to aim our bullet. Furthermore the target was standing in the way asking us to take the shot. There was no way we were going to miss this. So I sent him a “hey” on WhatsApp and that’s how we kicked off whatever followed. It was wonderful. We did a hike at Mt Longonot for our first adventure. With some of his freinds of course. That was around November 2018.
How was it like? Climbing the longonot I mean.
Mt Longonot is a fantastic hike with amazing views. It’s tiresome going up and you might give in to the temptation of quiting halfway. It will certainly test your endurance, but the views at the top are well worth it. Also the person or people you’re with, influence the whole experience a lot. You will want to win when you’re in the company of people who make your heart beat even when it wants to stop. So yeah, it was wonderful.
We did our first night out at Churchill Show, Garden City that same year on 31st December. I have always been an easy audience. I’m expecially a big fan of MC Jessy. I laughed that night until my stomach hurt. January 2019, I decided to go back to school. I enrolled at a college along Thika Road. We were now dating. I was a happy 22 year old las with a ballet of expectation from this relationship. I knew I had met my perfect match. I would go home every weekend just so we could hook up. His house was my second home. I cleaned, cooked and made sure the house was in order before going back to school. One time I found a pair of earrings and a set of a girl’s clothes. I asked about it and he said they were his sister’s. We always buy that bullsh*t until it’s too late. Then another time he posted a girl on his WhatsApp status wishing her a happy birthday. I felt things rumbling in my stomach but I ignored them. I spent the week at his place away from school just trying to get my hands on things. May be trying to convience my intuition that it was only being paranoid.
This other time, he posted the same chiq on his Instagram and even tagged her. Again my inner person told me things. This time I listened. I didn’t ask about it though. I loved this dude and I didn’t want to fight with him or anything, over some baseless paranoia. Also I guess I didn’t know how I was going to take it had my guts been right. I decided to be the FBI myself. I started stalking this chiq. Even though she hadn’t posted him anywhere on her feeds, I was very skeptical of their relationship at this point and so, I kept guard just in case she decided to do so some day.
February, Valentine’s week, I got myself a red dress. My nails and hair were on check. We had planned we would spend the day indoors as it was our par for the course. Indoors with him were just awesome. On 13th, he didn’t talk to me. I called him severally and even left messages but no response was forth coming. My stomach rumbled again. I don’t know why my stomach does this whenever my heart is wounded. On 14th and 15th his phone was off.
What a waste of red a dress mann! How did that make you feel?
My heart went to rack and ruin. I felt this knife-like prick burning intensely through my chest and the air was cold against my skin. I felt an overwhelming sorrow welling up within me. I didn’t let the day go down the drain though. If not for anything, for the fact that I was the only one left in our hostel. There was no way I was going to let my girls know my date had stood up. I went over to my cousin Tom who lived in Thika at the time. He did very little to comfort me. Worse still, he mentioned having seen my boyfriend with another woman who rumor had they intended to marry. I believed him since they shared a work station. That news caused my heart that hollow feeling. I didn’t cry much though. I had Tom to cheer my spirits and the whisky he had induced some peaceful sleep.
I remember running into them, Steve and his female, in church that same week. I went to church that day in need of some sort of relief that only some good worship is capable of delivering. The audacity that boy. He invited me to shake their hands just after I had walked past them. I didn’t want to make him look like a fool. Remember I loved him like war; easy to start but hard to stop. So yeah, I shook their hands. I felt that thing that makes my stomach rumble. I left before church was over. I couldn’t handle it
One evening after about a month. He called me. I didn’t know how to ignore him. I answered the damned gadget and he mentioned he needed to talk and that he was 10minutes from my place. I was angry with him. I was hurt. But when I saw him, my eyes shone with all beer and skittles. I held on him with this single minded passion which revoked every other acidic fervor I had stolidly weathered for the past weeks. He knew exactly what made me tick and yes, I was weak in his arms. Later that night we spoke, him trying to explain his relationship with his female. Mann! There’s literally no depth to which human beings cannot sink in quest for a goal. Boy boldly remarked that the female’s dad was an MP who was involved in some illegal deals of some sort and he was working undercover for him. Consequently, he had to have a relationship with the daughter. Lame arse right?
Haha! Good heavens! Undercover? That sounds so much like a movie I have watched.
I know right! But I believed him anyway. The way he said it felt so real that if he was lying, then he is either a premium actor or a delusional
Haha! let’s just believe he was truthful.
Haha! Whatever Man!
Some three weeks after this evening, I tested positive for pregnancy. The way that doctor said it, “congratulations Masha! You gonna be the youngest mamaa I’ve had in my clinic”. I was traumatized. I went to my room and cried my eyes out. I missed classes another week trying to come to terms with reality. I didn’t break the news to him immediately. I was scared. I bet the hardest news for any woman to break to a man they’re not married to, is pregnancy.
I’m with you on that.
You literally lose sleep at the odour of rejection. “Masha what will we do now?” Was the first thing he asked when I finally broke the news. I told him I was going to keep the baby since I could already sense the direction he was looking to. In response he said he wasn’t ready to be a dad. That confirmed my assumption. I wasn’t ready to be a mum either but what to do now? The die had already been cast.
Do you know what he said?
“Okay then Masha, see you after 9 months.” Then proceeded to block me.
I went through the pregnancy alone and in secret upto the sixth month. I had to leave school and face this new leaf like the marshal I am. My aunt took me in and I stayed with her till I delivered after which I went back home in Nyandarua. My biggest support system that one.
Rewind to when I was in the 8th month. I had planned to do a bump shoot. I scrolled through Instagram to find a good studio and Wallaa! pictures of my baby daddy with his female on a bump shoot. I felt my heart cracking inside my chest. I thought he said he wasn’t ready to be a dad. Kumbe it was me who missed the point. Kumbe he meant he wasn’t ready to be a dad to child born of me. I cried that night mami… Kwani how less of a woman am I? What could be so wrong with the fruit of my womb that even the one who sow it would dim it ill-suited to reap it’s glory, but would pick another? Are they both not his doing? I couldn’t control the sadness. I felt as though he picked the other one because she was well of in terms of status while I was just a mere student who was going to burden him with bills.
Eventually I gave birth. He later unblocked me and started acting concerned. We got along for some time until I realized he was ghosting on me whenever there would be a bill to be sorted only to resurface after it was handled. I got tired and stopped contacting him. Then this one time during the International Baby Daddy’s Day, my friends and I dared each other to post our baby daddys on WhatsApp status. I told you I’m that daring biach. He saw the post and flung his tantrums on me. He threatened to sue me for defamation and posting his photo’s without consent. Haha! Surely! We had quite an exchange of cruel words that day then he advised me to speak to his lawyer before blocking me again. Weeh! dramatic that one. That was defamation indeed.
Haha! Indeed. So, since then you have not heard from him?
Since then my daughter has had me, my mum and my dad in her life. With the baby daddy I got no idea where he is but I’m sure he is happy with his other mama and the son.
And that’s life isn’t it?
Till next week com’s, cheers!
And of course, you know what to do if you have a story you want to feature on our #MondayBluez.
Also note: I claim no right over the photo used above