The Other Woman, who to blame

My Two Cents

To this point, am still wondering where to start from.
Um, okay, let me start by saying this; “It takes two…”

For a while now, my thoughts have been caught up on the currently trending topic of Sponsorship. The sponsor, I believe this is in all cases, a married man. And the sponsee, in other terms, is the other woman, the kept, gachungwa (in my mother tongue) Let me not delve much into the details of who is who and just get straight to the sole reason for writing this.

I was in a matatu (bus) the other evening, not so long ago, on my way home from school. Next to me sat, a very beautiful, elegant lady. I could tell she was much older than me.
“Are you married?” I asked. She looked at me curiously.
“Forgive my manners. My name is Jeniffer, a CMD student, conducting a research on marriage.” At the back of my head I knew that I was aiming at her attention to my earlier question. It was no lie nonetheless. I am still researching on this thing called marriage. Am I digressing? Okay, sorry let me come back. She smiled at me and I immediately knew I had touched a soft spot. “Yes I am.” she said. “Did you watch the previous episode of Kaburi la Wazi?” “Yeah, I did.” As a woman, do you think it was prudent? (the expose)” “By all heavens yes, it was all indispensable.” She raised her voice. I could almost feel, in the atmosphere, her reasoning but I stopped myself. “If by whatever chance I caught my husband with some bee…, only God knows what I would do to her.” She continued. “I would tear her to piece, scratch her eyes out, ruin her ugly face completely then burry her dead-alive, whether or not at the expense of my freedom.” woooo! I sighed. Someone is getting a bit too personal. I thought
But why her? Why not him? These questions ran fast through my mind but I managed to hold them in.

I was dumbfounded. For a minute I felt as though she was suspecting me of sleeping with her man and she was now indirectly sending threats down my throat. It couldn’t be me, a a, after all, I just met her, no idea of who the husband is, not even sure whether she’s married or not, plus am currently not seeing anyone. So obviously, my head was getting ahead of me. I just laughed at my nonsensical thoughts. We talked endlessly, I think three quarters the journey. This is besides the point anyway, but I however got a track full of things to meditate upon that fateful evening.

I got home, my line of thoughts was her stern warning to that girl who would be caught anywhere close, leave alone paints down sleeping with the husband. Woe unto her. But seriously, why is it always so easy to cast the entire blame on the other woman? I asked myself. Unfortunately, I couldn’t really answer that.

It is pretty illogical how the wife, the man (sponsor) himself even society in general finds it way easy to point finger at the sponsee. Why? I thought it takes two to lay. Correct me if am wrong. But, no need, I know am right. Unless we’re discussing rape, any other form of sexual affair, be it fornication, incest, adultery, homosexuality, name them, all of them, takes two parties. Hence, he, Mr sponsor guy here, is equally if not twice to blame.

If woman is caught sleeping with a man before marriage, she’s a contemptuous sinner, a single woman caught sleeping with a married man, she’s far worse than a loose sinner, a married woman caught sleeping with another married man, a-hell-material-woman. While the man, caught in similar, is cool, he’s just fine, after all it is masculinity, so they say. He’s a hero defined, almost an ornament to society. Really!! And just to shed some light to your curiosity, I am no chauvinist. Just being real.

Now let me get into Christianity a little. Not because am a religionist, absolutely not. But because I know little about other religions but Christianity. Do you recall the story of Jesus and the promiscuous woman that was to be stoned to death by society? Of course, that’s a story every christian is aware of. If you don’t, go back to your Bible. I am deeply convinced that woman has been the black sheep way back from the time of Jesus. And so it is not anything new. “Let thouest without sin cast the first stone.” Jesus said to the multitude that had already gathered (both men and women) ready to lead the poor sinful lad to her grave. Question is, where was the man/men she was caught with? Why only the woman? Do you see why the wise man, Jesus, asked whoever thought they were free of sin should make the first throw? He obviously believed there were no sins for women and sins for men. All are equally sinful. Both parties were/are equally to blame.

Forward to our world today, we Christians who ACTIVELY preach this same Jesus, are the same people very quick to send this woman to hell and the man to paradise. We the pharisees of today are the first in line to cut down this woman and  raise high the man. We are on the forefront shaming the woman and letting the man have his walk on the park. Why? We staunch believers will mercifully forgive our loving-cheating husbands (because the Bible says we should forgive) and tear down the woman he cheated with. Really now! It’s time we end this hypocrisy. Does that Bible say only man should be forgiven? Enough with the pretence followers of Christ. Let’s be honest with each other here. He cheated with her, how the devil on earth is he then subtracted from the entire affair and the gachungwa is damned to death for something THEY BOTH, the two of them, conscious got involved in. I will not tire from saying it takes two.

This woman gets crucified and her dirty linen spread out for the world to see. Why, because they say she owes sisterhood loyalty to the wife of the so called sponsor. Only God knows what we would find from some of your pathetic closets were they to be let open. I do not doubt those skeletons would make this place too small for us all. They would, without doubt suffocate and wipe out all humanity. Even Satan himself would not survive. Anyway, I do not dispute that women should look out for one another. I don’t. But honestly doesn’t this man owe you loyalty as well? I mean, you guys are married. Why then pin one party to the cross and justify the other? Remember, it takes two.

You will justify him by slicing the woman down to pieces, call her all sorts of names on the face of the earth, debase her, drag her name in the mud, claiming she cheaply seduced your man.Please! Com’on how dumb is he to pathetically fall for cheap seduction!
Hold on! did you know some of these men you over protectively rare in your houses are actually by far better gifted at seducing than these girls you inconsiderately slay? Furthermore, if you yourself fell head over heels for him, what makes you think any other woman wouldn’t?

Just so you know, I am not advocating for this sponsorship programme. I am not saying it is okay for a young woman to sleep with a man twice her father’s age. No! But neither is it fine for this 65years old grandpa to sleep with a chile his grand daughter’s age. And so, I am loudly saying this, if you deem it fit to condemn, slay, rebuke, ridicule or shame anyone, it should be both parties or none at all. Woman’s sinful nature should cease to be reduced to her gender. Her being a woman doesn’t make her any less vulnerable to sexual sin. In fact she is as equally prone as the man is. I know you all confidently justify a man’s infidelity to his sight. Psh! Who said woman isn’t visual? If you are the one, do your homework better. But I’ll enlighten you a little in the mean time. Listen to this, Even woman, is visual. She as well, is visually driven just like man. Woman too checks out man; we will check you out from the top of your hair to your shoes. We will check your behind, but unlike you, not to see how big and fatty it is, but how far below the paints are hanging. We see, we like, we get attracted. So don’t you dare stand there and give me that cheap crap of he cheated because his eyes couldn’t hold it together. Did you know woman would also sleep with man whether or not she’s in love? You didn’t know right? Right. Now you know. Provided her eyes have seen, she is twice capable of laying you more than you are. It is as bare as that for your information.

Therefore, my beloved society, whoever you are, I do not know you, If you’re willing to protect man and shame woman, get a grip of yourself.
Let woman be.
Cut woman some slack.
You either crucify all or none.

It takes two…

4 thoughts on “The Other Woman, who to blame

  1. Jennifer.. I must admit that is one good piece you’ve written there.. True stuff

    I believe today you have something new for us as per our agreement during the weekend…

    I’ll be waiting


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